Treasurer says changes will benefit ‘middle Australia’ as Anthony Albanese prepares to address press club; storm system forecast to continue to strengthen off Queensland coast. Follow the day’s news liveGet our morning and afternoon news emails, free app or daily news podcastAs we flagged just earlier, wind gusts associated with Tropical Cyclone Kirrily have already begun around the Whitsundays, with gusts over 100km/h.In a Facebook group for Whitsundays locals, a new resident has asked an innocent question:Hey there I’m kind of new to town from Melbourne. Does anyone know how to tie my tree down so that it doesn’t blow away?“I would use fairy lights.”“If you hop around clockwise on your left leg 3 times and then do a Kangaroo hop to the right, the drop bears will take care of it by having the tree extend it’s roots deeper.”“If you’re really from Melbourne you would know how to tie down a tree with the windy crap weather down there. Ride a kangaroo to bunnings [and] get some ratchets.”“From the state of the supermarket shelves I’m guessing everyone is using toilet paper to tie their trees down.”“Take the leaves off and store inside. The rest will be fine.” Continue reading...