Katie Thurston is sharing a difficult moment amid her cancer battle. 

The Bachelorette alum, who recently shared her breast cancer has been upgraded to a stage 4 diagnosis after doctors found spots on her liver, detailed the emotional impact the health battle has had on her. 

“Today I had ‘chemo class’—and I sobbed the second it started,” Katie, 34, said on her Instagram Boobie Broadcast channel March 31. “Not because of anything she said—idk if I heard much of anything she said for the next 25 min. Sometimes I think ‘wtf is my life?’ But whether I like it or not, this is my life and I have to make the best of it.”

After all, she’s still contending with her new reality.

“They say live like you’re dying, but now that I am, it’s easier said than done. And don’t get me wrong, every day, we are all closer to death,” she added. “Not in a morbid way but in the undeniable circle of life. So cancer or not, I am blessed with today. So while I have sad moments or days, I want to do my best to cherish my time, cancer or not.”